Pedophilic-OCD (P-OCD)

Throughout the years, I have worked with a number of people with debilitating anxiety who have reached out for treatment because I specialize in working with folx who have pedophilic disorder. I’ve found that it is often a way to navigate their very extreme anxiety—finding someone who can either endorse or disprove their worst fears.

But P-OCD is far more complicated, in that it has nothing to do with pedophilic interests and everything to do with how certain brains navigate uncomfortable and scary thoughts. Someone with P-OCD may experience extremely random and overwhelmingly distressing thoughts related to harming children. These thoughts have zero to do with the actual interest and EVERYTHING to do with fear of being “monstrous” or “a bad person.”

You see, research has continued to find that certain obsessive thoughts are related to social narratives and norms. What is one of the scariest things you could experience in our world? Well, the ability and desire to harm a child. This creates a perfect storm of anxiety, fear, and compulsive behaviors to keep from being “bad.”

Unfortunately, many well-intentioned therapists (who may have an understanding of treating more general OCD) seem to struggle with P-OCD, simply because they tend to approach this issue with the same misinformation and stigmatized beliefs that surround pedophilic disorder.

In order to help support treaters who may find themselves working with a client struggling with P-OCD and/or folx navigating this extremely distressing subtype of OCD, I have created a pretty straightforward chart of the *basics* around the differential diagnosis (see below).

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Spice up your life: Cuckold Addition

Let’s be honest—if you are in a long-term, monogamous relationship it is likely that you have looked for ways to spice up your sex life (at one time or another). From kinky new toys to watching daring porn films, your typical sex positions or foreplay can often feel stale and uneventful. You may have talked with your partner about bending the boundaries that surround your sexual relationship— ”Should we try roleplaying?” or “What would it be like to bring another person into the bedroom?”

But have you ever wondered what it would be like to see your partner having sex with another person–to be a submissive player in your lover’s tryst with someone else? Whether it’s an erotic fantasy that plays out in the safety of your mind or a sex act that you’ve negotiated, cuckolding has been around for centuries and will likely never cease (but let’s be honest, who would want it to?).

Historically, cuckolding referred to a man whose wife was “adulterous.” Over time, the term morphed into the act of one partner watching his/her/their partner have sex with another person. Interestingly enough, the actual term stems from the cuckoo bird that would lay their eggs in another bird’s nest. Unbeknownst to said bird, it would be helping to hatch and take care of the cuckoo’s hatchling.  

So what was once a misogynistic term used out of fear that a wife would have a sexual affair and bear the child of another man (see also: Shakespeare’s Othello), has now morphed into an often exciting form of dominance and submission between consenting players. I mean can you name anything more submissive than to stand by and watch your monogamous partner being taken by someone else? What a thrill (or a nightmare, depending on your perspective)!

So how do you keep the jealousy at bay?

Just like any new sexual act that you and your partner(s) may be exploring, it is crucial that you have a detailed conversation about what could go wrong and the feelings that may come up. If one person is really into it, but the other isn’t, cuckolding could be a recipe for disaster. Naturally, clear communication is key when it comes to almost everything in a relationship, especially sex. Seeing your partner with someone else could be devastating and potentially toxic to your relationship. It’s also important to remember that oftentimes the erotic images and scenarios we indulge in our erotic imagination are not necessarily ones that we want to have played out in real life. So just because it makes you hot when you masturbate, it doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a good idea to take it to the next level. Discuss it at length and if it’s right for the two of you (or more, depending on relationship structures, of course), go and get your cuckold on. No judgment here!